PRAISING YOUR CHILDREN

How often do you think about the amount and type of praise you offer your child?  The wrong kind of praise, or praise used too frequently or infrequently can cause difficulties.  Sometimes we think that it is not possible to over praise a child because we think constant praise will build a child’s self esteem.  However, there is a real world for the child outside of the home and a child’s peers may not be as praise giving as his or her parents.  Other children are usually quite truthful and blunt about the feats of their peers.  A child constantly praised at home may feel placed on a pedestal only to be knocked off outside the home.

In an article in “Parents Magazine”, educational consultant Fredelle Maynard listed some dos and don’ts of praise.  First the don’ts:

                    Don’t praise by comparison (“You’re the best swimmer on the team”).  It may encourage unnecessary competition or fear of failing next time.

                    Don’t praise constantly.  If everything a child does is terrific, wonderful, the best, you will run out of superlatives and the child will become blasé about applause.

                   Don’t praise indiscriminately.  Children who are veteran meet swimmers know when a swim is good or bad.  Parental ecstasies over mediocre performances can either make children cynical or cause them to feel like frauds.

                   Don’t praise so extravagantly that children feel pressure to go on shining.  Over enthusiastic applause destroys a good motive for activity (to please oneself) and substitutes a poor one (to please parents).